Witch Finger cookies/Happy Halloweeeeeener


I’m pretty a brave person.

I have bungee jumped, publicly krumped, way-above-the-speed-limit-speed-bumped, and once I held a superlatively large snake. I’ve never in my life shyed away from a haunted house and I like jumping off cliffs into bodies of water. I enjoy public speaking, even more so if I’m rapping. One time I told my Russian grandmother she was wrong.

Still, folks, don’t be fooled by this intrepid exterior; I am afraid of plenty of things. For one, I find the United States deficit terrifying. I fear my accounting midterm tomorrow, for which, at this juncture, I have not yet started studying. I sometimes fear that I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, but more immediately, I’m really anticipatory of my roommate’s reaction when she finds out I ate the rest of her chocolate.

But that’s all mild compared to how upright creepy these cookies are. I mean, SERIOUSLY. I saw some fake finger cookies floating around the interwebs last night and decided why the efffffffffff not Veganizze ‘em? Vegans love horror and murder too, don’t we? Oh, I guess that is rhetorical. Cannibalism is always a LITTLE funny, right?

Witch Finger cookies

  • 1/2 cup canola oil
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1/2 cup maple syrup or agave nectar
  • 3 Tablespoon soy or other non-dairy milk
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
  • 2 cups flour
  • 1 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
  • 3-4 Tablespoons fruit jam
  • 1/2 cup square-shaped cereal or slivered almonds

Preheat oven to 350º

1. Mix the dry (flour, baking soda, salt, cinnamon) then add the wet (oil, sugar, maple syrup, milk, vanilla). Stir to combine and form a moist dough. Sorry, I know everyone hates the word moist.

2. Form into “fingers”- roll out into thin snakes then pinch and use a knife to make “knuckles.” Make a small indentation with your thumb for the fingernail bed. Place on a parchment-paper lined baking sheet and bake at 350º for 10-12 minutes. Set to cool, then place a small amount of jam and adhere a “nail” in place on each cookie. Enjoy! Creepy!

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