“Weather Sucks” Lentil Soup

February is unanimously the worst month of the year. I think I write about this every Febrewary (it makes me want to do nothing but drink away my sorrows with some brews), but the sleet/snow/rain mixture currently being aggressively spat on Madison is renewing my loathing for this godforsaken month. SO LET ME GO ON. February is the hangover wedged between holiday cheer and the first springish hints that I can stop wearing pants. And as long as it’s cold as balls I’m a lentil fiend. Hearty, healthy soup is the best thing to make in big batches at the beginning of the week and warm up after your snot has frozen and glued your nostrils together. I’ve made about 73 batches of this in the last two weeks, and given that “wintry mix” is predicted for tomorrow, there’s a 100% chance of lentil soup in the forecast.

Weather Sucks Lentil Soup

• 1 onion, chopped (~2 cups)
• 2-3 large carrots, chopped
• 1/2 cup frozen corn
• 1/2 to 3/4 cup kale, chopped
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 1/2 tsp coriander
• 1 tsp cumin
• 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper
• 5-6.5 cups vegetable broth or water
• 3 cups dry green or brown lentils
• salt and pepper to taste
• Sriracha sauce (if ya think spice is nice!)

1. Rise and drain the lentils, then pour into a pot and add vegetable broth or water (enough to cover them by 1” or so). Bring to a boil, then add the onions, carrots, corn, kale, garlic and spices. Reduce heat to medium-low and simmer for 25-35 minutes, until lentils are soft. Stir frequently to avoid any burnage. Season with salt, pepper, and the ‘Rach to taste. Watch your winter blues melt away.

Homemade Veggie Ramen Noodle Soup

As promised, pals, I’m procrastinating. We knew it’d happen. To be fair, I vowed that I would do my accounting homework until my brain combusted this afternoon and it’s juuuuuust about to that point. In the bright side, this procrastination means cooking and nomz galore. Here is the knock-off Ramen noodle soup I’ve been making all week between study seshes (okay, between making ironically-themed holiday playlist seshes. Good King Wencelolz, anyone?). This ish is sooooper easy and tastes great. Added bonus: you can slurp it down and get soup on all of your notes. Booyah.

Homemade Veggie Ramen Noodle Soup

Makes ~3-4 bowlfuls

• 5 cups vegetable stock or water+ bouillon
• 2 large carrots, chopped
• 1/2 cup chopped cabbage
• 1/2 large onion, chopped finely
• 2 Tablespoons miso paste
• 1 teaspoon soy sauce
•  rice or shirataki noodles (you decide how much)
• red pepper flakes
• chopped green onion (scallions), to garnish
• sesame seeds, to garnish

1. In a large pot, combine veg stock, carrots, onion, cabbage, miso paste, and soy sauce. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer 8-10 minutes, until all the veg are soft. Add the desired amount of your noodles of choice and cook according to package instructions. Once the noodles are cooked, season with red pepper flakes to taste and garnish with green onion and sesame seeds.

Smokey Sweet Potato & Corn Black Bean Soup

I’m gonna keep things abbreviated today cuz I really only have two things to say and I want you to hear em loud and clear. 1) Go out tomorrow, cast your ballot then drop it like it’s hot. 2) Make this goddamn soup. My roommate May made it up. Whoever you make it for will want to have your babies. End of public service announcement.

Smoky Sweet Potato & Corn Black Bean Soup

• half a yellow onion, chopped
•  4-5 cloves of garlic
• one big tomato, diced
• one big carrot, diced
• one big sweet potato, diced
• 1/2 cup corn, fresh or frozen
• two cans of black beans (pureed them a bit before adding)
• one canfull of water (or enough to cover the other ingredients)
• 1 teaspoon cumin
• salt and pepper, to taste
• “magical south africa smoky pepper flakes” or liquid smoke

1. Sauté garlic and onions in a splash of oil in a medium pot for 4-5 minutes, until golden. 2. Add the tomato, carrots, sweet potato, corn, black beans, and water. Leave to simmer for 15-20 minutes, or until the veggies are soft. Season with salt, pepper, cumin, and magic to taste.

Kick the Sick Chickpea Stew

It’s unseasonably cold in Madison and let me tell you SOMEONE’S PISSED. This same someone’s also sick. Don’t give me a glass vase or the kneecaps of someone who crossed the mafia the wrong way cuz I’ll probably break them out of rage without apology. I don’t like to get too graphic here but this morning I threw like all of my laundry on the floor out of frustration. I pride myself on never getting sick so the snot dripping down my face is really only adding insult to cold, bitter injury.

Instead of trying to fight this cold in a rap battle or some other form of public humiliation I’ve decided to take the high road and GET OVER IT. I may have slipped a few harsh words about his mother yesterday but I’m being the bigger person now. To get over said cold I made a batch of this soup which is scientifically-proven* to make you better quick. This soup also just so happen to be the twelfth out of 50 ways to love a chickpea! Boy oh boy this excitement is making me wheeze.

*not scientifically proven

Kick the Sick Chickpea Stew

• 1/2 cup chopped mushrooms
• 2-3 Tablespoons coconut (olive, or vegetable) oil for frying
• 6 cups vegetable stock (or water + bouillon*)
• 1 red bell pepper, chopped
• 2 medium carrots, chopped
• 1 large tomato, chopped
• 2-3 leaves swiss chard/collard greens/kale
• 1 bay leaf
• 1/2” chunk of ginger, peeled and minced
• 1 clove garlic, minced
• 1 can chickpeas, drained

1. Heat the coconut oil in a  medium skillet and add the mushrooms. Fry 4-5 minutes or until browned and soft.

2. Place a large pot on the stove and add the vegetable stock plus the veggies, bay leaf, ginger, garlic and chickpeas. Bring to a boil and leave to simmer for 20-25 minutes, or until hot and the veggies are soft.

On Cabbage Soup and Bun-fights

Here’s a piece of advice for you:

When your parents travel 4,000 miles to visit you in a foreign city and are on their way to meet your host parents please, for the love of kale, do not lose them.

It may be tempting to watch them teeter through the crowds of slick metrosexual men and fur-clad, stiletto-sporting gazelles but I’m telling you it’s no good. If and when you accidentally get on different busses in downtown St. Petersburg you will go through a set of emotions something like this: scared, amused, annoyed, confused, amused, scared, bored, nervous, hungry, scared and then you’ll realize you’re never going to see your parents again. Soon enough a random woman named Olga will be calling you to tell you she found some people who claim to know you and you will reconsider your belief in God. More likely than not you’ll hear your mom shrieking in the background “ISABELLE! HER NAME IS ISABELLE!”

Like I said, that’s no good. As you’ve guessed by now said situation happened to me last week when my parents came to St. Petersburg. We eventually made it to my apartment where my babushka had cleaned everything until it freakin’ sparkled. Russian women do not kid around about impressing guests. We walked in and despite the fact that I come into our three room apartment every day I was struck by how much everything looked like heaven. My babushka had bullied me into cleaning my room for weeks and I gotta say it paid off. We shall ignore the pile of gum, dirty bras, grammar assignments and chia seeds occupying my floor at the current moment.

The royal We plus my mom, dad, babushka and dedushka [grandpa] had what is called a чаепитие “chaepitie,” which I would translate as a tea party but Google Translate prefers “bun-fight.” Alright then.

This meeting was one of those things that I knew before during and after I would want to remember forever. Like, if you knew this cast of characters you’d understand that it was 100% guaranteed ridiculousness. I served as the translator and knowingly chuckled to myself the entire time while all parties smiled shifty grins and laughed uneasily at each other. Highlights: Igor Konstantinovich offering my dad vodka shots with a flick of the throat—universal Russian sign for let’s get drunk, babushka repeatedly telling my parents to eat more, my parents looking terrified, my babushka saying that she thinks of me as a granddaughter, my mom getting very emotional about it all, my mom crying, me telling my babushka “my mom’s very emotional,” my mom telling me “tell her I’m emotional!,” a huge plate of VEGAN BLINI, and, most importantly, so many people I love in one tiny, food-filled Russian kitchen. When I came to Russia I was nervous about a lot of things but finding a new family was definitely at the top of the list. Living with the Bab and the Ded has given me a new sense of family (a traditional, bossy, Soviet-style family, but family nonetheless) which I would not trade for any other family in any other city in any other part of the world.

Witnessing the fear on my parents’ faces when posed with the challenging of eating their weight in blini brought joy to my heart. The fact that my Russian grandparents were able to meet two of the people I love and admire most in the world was very special. As I like to say, this is a vegan blog so I’ll keep it from getting super cheesy but this is definitely going in my lifetime experience hall of fame along with that time I had a “Soviet Bloc out with your Cock Out” party and served only vodka and no chasers. I’ll tell you about it later.

Anyway, there’s nothing like family on family on family to make you feel loved. Speaking of love, my dad is newly in love with shchi, Russia’s second favorite soup after borscht. By coincidence my Bab made it this week so here is a recipe for y’all:

My Babushka’s Cabbage Soup (Shchi)

Don’t skimp on good quality vegetables. They’re worth it.

• 1 onion, minced
• 2-3 Tablespoons oil (sunflower or olive)
• 1/2 large head fresh cabbage, chopped
• 1 carrot, shredded
• 5-6 cups water or vegetable stock
• 2-3 small potatoes, boiled, peeled, sliced
• 2-3 Tablespoons chopped parsley
• 2 bay leaves
• 2-3 teaspoons salt, or to taste
• sugar to taste (Russian trick)
• black pepper to taste

1. Heat a frying pan and add 2 Tbs oil, onion, cabbage, and carrot. Sauté “to preparedness” (Russians love this phrase) over a medium flame, ~7-10 minutes. Add salt to taste.

2. Transfer the sautéed vegetables to a pot. Fill halfway with water/veg stock and bring to a boil. Add chopped parsley and bay leaves. Bring to a boil then remove the foam on top and reduce flame to minimum.

3. Add the chopped potatoes and garlic. Add salt and sugar to taste. (While sugar may seem strange in a savory dish it actually makes the flavors pop and even a teaspoon or two can work well). Cover and simmer on a low flame 10-15 minutes. 5 minutes before it’s ready add black pepper to taste.

Serve hot with some good black bread. Make it for your family, whoever that may be.

My Babushka’s Borscht

Some things are inevitable.

It is inevitable that when I buy a new item of white clothing it will be dirty within four minutes of purchase.

It is inevitable that I will spill many a tear on my tacky 80’s pillow when in Russia because I miss kale and nutritional yeast.

It is inevitable that when I go to a club in a back alley in Russia by the name of “Jesus” I will dance with a guy and he will spin me over his shoulder (can someone please explain to me why this keeps happening?).

Most inevitable of all (inevitable-est) is the fact that I am posting a borscht recipe straight from my babushka’s top-secret old Russian woman vault.

Before I left for Russia I made my own borscht, which I liked but knew was far from authentic. My heart skipped a beet (punzzz) the day I came to the kitchen table and my Bab set a bowl of steamy hot borscht down at my place. Cabbage, beets, and the possibility of pink pee? Nothing better. Besides, her borscht is absolutely delicious. Can’t be beet. Alright, I’m done.

I finally got her to spill the juicy details of how to make this soup so damn good. I offered (begged) to help prepare it once but she promptly declined and demoted me to photographer/kitchen stalker while she sliced and diced her way to the masterpiece. My babushka believes her kitchen is her kingdom and my trying to help will cramp her style. We talk a lot about the importance of food as a means of bringing people together and how sitting around enjoying a meal is a tradition which we need to fiercely protect. I still haven’t gotten her to agree to let me help her but her resistance is futile. We will be the greatest cooking team there ever was. It’s inevitable.

My Babushka’s Borscht 

The taste of Russia in your mouth. 

• 1/2 head large cabbage, sliced thinly
• 1 large carrot, grated
• 1 small onion, chopped more finely than you think possible
• 3 potatoes, boiled, peeled, and sliced more finely than you think possible
• 3 cloves garlic, minced
• 5-6 cups water or vegetable stock
• 3 beets, boiled and shredded (pickled work best!)
• 3 teaspoons salt, or to taste
• 1 Tablespoon fresh dill
• 1 Tablespoon fresh parsley
• chopped green onion to garnish

1. Do all of the chopping. Combine cabbage, carrot, onion, potatoes, garlic, salt and water in a large pot. Bring to a boil then reduce to a simmer and cook for 25-30 minutes. Note: use pre-boiled potatoes and beets or the time will be a bunch longer and much redder.

2. About halfway through add the fresh herbs and shredded beets. Salt to taste. If not using pickled beets and want it to be bitter (the Russian way!), add the juice of 1/2 a lemon.

3. Garnish with green onion and fresh dill. Enjoy the feeling of real Russianness.

My Babushka’s Split Pea Soup

You guys know that my babushka is my BFF.

You’ve heard she’s bossy and understand that she’s full of bizarre homeopathic Russian remedies. But did you know she’s an amazing vegan cook? Before I got here I don’t think she knew either.

From time to time she makes fun of me for my bizarre tastes (I brought a smuggled bag of chia seeds out the other day and she had to get on a ladder and tear her raised eyebrows down from the ceiling), but on the whole she’s great at adapting her favorite traditional Russian recipes to my vegan guidelines. Split pea soup (Гороховой суп) is a Russki classic typically chock full of ham and served topped with enough dill to feed a Red Army. Fortunately for me, my babushka’s variation includes only the latter (dill is the new parsley, haven’t your heard?) and is DELICIOUS.

She uses onions and garlic from her husband Igor Konstantinovich’s granddaughter’s dacha (cottage) garden in the country and chops it up so fine it blows my mind. I always tell her my soups never turn out as well because I’m too impatient in my chopping and she looks and me with her glasses on the bridge of her nose and says “well, be more patient.”

That’s the trick to this and all of my Bab’s dishes: patience. I’m learning quickly that the most delicious things in life take time and the best recipes on this blog will never be quick-fixes. She told me earlier this week that she talks to all of her plants so they feel love and don’t get lonely. She cited an incident with a certain aloe plant where she overwatered it then repented for weeks with many a monologue. The point is that she brings care and attention to her food and everything in her life. Tonight I went to her great-grandson Danya’s violin concert with her. Danya is 13 and has a few concerts a month and my babushka doesn’t miss a single one. She takes two buses to get there (about 45 minutes of transit with the waits) and sits through an hour of other kids’ pieces for about 6 minutes of Danya fame. Her patience and willingness to put in time continue to impress me and I’m sure I’ll think back on her fondly some day when I’m eating raw oats with a spoon because I’m too lazy to even microwave them.

My Babushka’s Split Pea Soup

Fresh herbs and patience make this soup. The ingredient list is short so it’s worth investing in both.

• 2 cups dried split peas (горох)
• 2 medium potatoes, diced finely (картошка)
• 2 medium carrots, grated (марков)
• 2 small onions, diced finely (лук)
• a few cloves garlic, minced (чеснок)
• 1-2 teaspoons fresh dill, chopped (укроп)
• 1-2 teaspoons fresh celery, chopped (петрушка)
• 1-2 teaspoons fresh sorrel, chopped (щавель)
• 2 bay leaves (лавровые листи)
• 2-3 teaspoons salt, or to taste (соль)
• black pepper to taste (черный перец)

1. Pour the dried peas in a medium pot and cover with about two times as much water. Place over a medium flame, bring to a boil, then allow to simmer 30-40 minutes, stirring often to avoid burning.

2. Add the potatoes, grated carrot, onions, garlic, and herbs. Add another 2-3 cups water and bring to a boil once again. Boil 10-15 minutes or until potatoes are soft. Soup can be served at this stage but I recommend letting it simmer another 30 minutes or so on a low flame. Once the soup cools it thickens and has the greatest texture. Add water and stir as necessary to avoid burning.

Garnish with more dill (you’re Russian, after all) and devour at least 3 bowls a day. Your babushka would want you to.

Nose Soup

As I write this I have two chunk of onion wedged up my nostrils.

According to my babushka, this is a surefire way to get rid of a cold. According to me, this is a surefire way to make soup in my nose. Either way, everything in St. Petersburg is going to smell like raw onion for the next several days which may or may not be a nice change of pace from damp fur coat stench.

This past weekend I took a trip to Moscow. I would say it was “chill” but at this point cold weather jokes just make me kind of sad, it’s better not to go there. I left Petersburg on the midnight train with my friend Abra and arrived at Leningrad Station around 7 AM Wednesday. Cold and disoriented, we made a beeline to Red Square (pro: deserted and saw the sunrise. con: awake 7 am).

We spent the day wandering around the Kremlin, St. Basil’s Cathedral, and Church of Christ the Savior. Fun fact: the aforementioned church was destroyed in the 1812 war with Napoleon and was made into a swimming pool under Stalin. The church was reconstructed in its original form and place in the late 90′s. My babushka told me that she swam in said pool in the 60′s. Reason #264 why my babushka is the shit.

Thursday we went to the RUSSIAN SPACE MUSEUM. I was incredibly excited because a) I have a huge not-creepy-okay-kinda-creepy crush on young astronaut Yuri Gagarin [first man in space! c'mon, sexy!] b) I clearly love all things nerdy and Russian. The nerdier and the Russianer, the better. c) I am fascinated by space and would be on my way to becoming an astronaut if not for b.

[floating fruits, jumpsuits, Soviet hugs-this is everything I like.]

While in Moscow, Abra and I made a pact to spend as little money as possible and only indulge in necessary items (beer). We ended up eating grechka (buckwheat groats) for dinner all three nights. A 900 gram bag (2 lbs) costs 50 rubles ($1.60) and when cooked makes a huge ass pot filled to the brim. We had an eating contest which I promptly won then resolved never to eat grechka again. Until the next day.

Friday we went to the Tretyakov Gallery and the Park of Fallen Heroes. The Park is this nuts sculpture garden where they deposited a bunch of old and suddenly unwanted Soviet statues after the collapse of the Soviet Union. Basically there are a million statues/busts of Lenin, Stalin and ol’ man Gorbachev. I obviously took the opportunity to go around and pick each of their stony noses.

Obviously.

As for me, I’m off bed so this sniffle doesn’t turn into something worse. Or so it’ll turn into something better. That is, if onion soup is your thing.

St. Petersburg is Melting

St. Petersburg is melting.

The roofs are dripping, puddles are becoming lakes, my feet are soaked. The temperature is a whopping +2 C (36ºF) and I’m wearing a T-shirt. There is sweat on my lower back. Is it actually possible that springtime is around the corner? While my babushka and her fur coat would point to no my cotton gloves and single pair of pants point to yes. Today I felt the warmth of the sun on my skin and lemme tell ya, ladies and gentlemen, it felt GREAT. All of you in warm climates (Wisconsin this season, jigga whaaat) can enjoy your year-long nice weather but I can assure that when 40º comes in Russia I will be dancing in the streets and hanging from the Bronze Horseman in a bikini. St. Petersburg: brace yoself.

Since my brush with giardia last Monday (okay, exaggeration of the century, don’t care) this week has taken a turn for the better. Wednesday we had a 10 AM tour and tasting at the Baltika beer factory which ensured sloppy drunkenness by noon. When I stumbled home I was delighted to find that my babushka made кислый щи (“sh-chi,” sour cabbage soup). I am not sure whether she noticed when I spilled half of my bowl and proceeded to slurp it off the table but she did offer me seconds.

Since then I’ve been enjoying the soup leftovers with сушки (“sushki”) galore. Sushki are the miniature bagel crackers seen below. I like to bite them off of my fingers one by one (edible jewelry is very high on my list of things everyone should enjoy, along with interpretive dance battles, kale, yelling Nelly lyrics at people, swimming places you’re not supposed to, and discussing the end of the world with babushkas).

You may have heard that elections are tomorrow or maybe you even sawPutin’s big ol’ head in the NYT. Aside from the ridiculous(ly sexual) ads that have been circulating recently the Russians I know aren’t too worked up about it all. In fact, 99% of them have said that they’re 99% sure Putin will win and think it’s probably for the best. The other candidates are lamer than the Everybody Loves Raymond rerun I saw playing in a Fidel Castro-themed bar yesterday. [Seriously, Russia?]

Anyway, while springtime may not be imminent in Russian politics I personally am closer every day to remembering shorts and weening myself off of vitamin D pills (gotta say, I love the D). Maybe next week I’ll even swim in the Neva.

That is, if the ice has melted.

St. P.Diddysburg

Hello my comrads.

I am writing to you with one week of Russia under my belt. I have there also under said belt a stomach full of delicious cabbage soup (щи – “shchi”), buckwheat, (гречка – “grechka”) and some fried conglomerate of mushrooms, eggplant, and carrots. I just Googled mushroom eggplant russia soviet mushy to see if this dish has a name. It doesn’t.

My time in Russia so far has been baller. In a recent message to my friends I described it the following way:

Russia is awesome as fuck. Coldest I’ve ever been. Everything is gorgeous and sparkly. More stilettos and fur than I thought possible. Tonight we went to a club and I danced with a guy in leather pants. He picked me up and spun me around on his shoulder. I love this country.

My host family is great. I live with a set of Russian grandparents (Marina Nikolaevna and Igor Konstantinovich) in a two-bedroom apartment where nothing matches or is less than 50 years old on a street literally called Soviet Street. My room looks straight out of 1979 and per Russian custom I wear slippers in the house at all times. Marina Nikolaevna makes awesome vegan food and has only once twice thus far passive aggressively lectured me on how the body needs meat and delicious milk products. I expect many more of these lectures. I told her I sometimes eat metal to get necessary minerals. Sometimes conversation doesn’t flow super smoothly.

Petersburg itself is gorgeous. It’s hard to accurately encapsulate in some dumb blog post but basically everything seems like the best thing you’ve ever seen and absolutely larger than life. I can’t use that expression without thinking of boy bands and blonde tips but that also seems pretty relevant here. I live just off of Nevsky Prospekt which is kinda the main drag of the city and convenient for transportation and exploringtimes. I am studying at a university and have classes four days a week taught in Russian. We have excursions on Wednesdays, next week we’re going to the ballet Eugene Onegin and I am going to get dolled up. (Think this:

)

I’m also trying to swing an internship/volunteer job with the St. Petersburg Vegetarian Society, The St. Petersburg Times, or some kind of after school program with kids. I try to speak Russian with my friends here, of which I have some!!! (Сашинка, это ты?) and speak exclusively in Russian with my host babushka. [Before I go any further it’s pronounced BAH-booshka, contrary to whatever you were reading in your head.] My babushka and I speak on a variety of topics ranging from Soviet history to crosswords and the *correct* way to peel and apple. More steps than you think.

Once again, if you’re interesting in knowing what veganism is like in Russia, what Russia is like, what it’s like for snot to freeze mid-drip, or just think I’m cute and charming feel free to check out my twitter which I’m calling “St. Tweetersburg” for the next 4 months.

[amazing split pea soup my babushka makes for me. Recipe soon, in English if you’re lucky.]

Well, it’s currently -26ºC = -8ºF so I figure it’s as good a time as any to go to sleep. Sorry for the lack of pictures, I’ll get to that as soon as it seems possible to take my hands from my pockets when I’m outside.

Love and boiled beets,

Izzy